whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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