god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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