I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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