I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
zippers are such a cool invention
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
