I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
from now on my penis is your penis
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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