The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
