as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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