Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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