Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
