JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
