Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
