dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
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We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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