Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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