do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
