Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
