the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
