First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
