I hope mine doesn't look like that
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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