And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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