when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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