imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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