we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
