we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
