It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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