We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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