So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
