My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
