My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize