Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
