I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
