after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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