Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
