i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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