There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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