haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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