i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Boobs speak an international language.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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