I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
