I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We're too hungover to prance.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
