ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
