this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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