My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
