wat bout pragnant strippers??
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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