Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
