You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
