im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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