I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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