Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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