I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
