the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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