I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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