look no pants
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
