I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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