What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
