my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
