I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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