strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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