I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
