i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
