We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Send help, water and tortillas.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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