Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize