I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
